My husband and I had dreamed of adding a baby to our family. After a few years of trying, we became pregnant, only to have it end in a miscarriage and a series of health struggles. These last few months have been a journey through unknown and unexpected territory. It has not been easy, in fact, at times difficult. Despite it all, we still held onto hope. However, we were recently informed, that trying again could prove risky and potentially life-threatening. We decided to not move forward with having another baby, as the risks were far too great. This has been a lot to process. Sometimes God has different plans for our lives, than what we thought they would, or should be. Through grieving what we lost and what we cannot have, we have been reminded of the joy in what we do have. Though our hearts still hurt at the what was not meant to be, we also have this peace that we know comes from God. We know we will raise our baby in Heaven again someday, there is solace in that. We also look at our children that we do have. Though they may not be my husbands’ biological children, he loves them all the same. Though I cannot give them another sibling, I am so very much grateful for them. I look around and I am so very grateful for this life God has blessed me with. Maybe I did not get it all, but how can I ask for more? God has been gracious already so very much.

In life, we do not always get everything we want, but God has everything worked out for our good. We can spend our lives questioning why we did not get everything we wanted or we can realize, in gratitude, everything we already have. Friend, we can so easily as humans get caught up in self-pity, that we do not fully see what God has given us. How truly blessed we really are. We miss what is right in front of us, if we keep dwelling on not always getting our way. Though we may not always understand, we must see our lives with eyes of gratitude and find peace in His plans.

My husband and I will not get the experience of having a child together, that is ours biologically. Though what we already have, is already so spectacular. I look at our boys and I have loved every stage with these two. My husband did not start from the beginning with them, but he has loved every day with them, since he met them. We celebrate this. We celebrate all the blessings God has Given us and we celebrate our love for each other. Things happened different than we had hoped, then we had planned for. Though as I write this, I have gratitude in my heart for it all. Everything He has blessed us with in our lives. Mostly, who He has. I have His peace, knowing that He has His reasons; it is there where my solace is found.

Life is not always everything we planned; it is however, what He has worked out for our good. May we find peace in that. In times where discouragement tries to plague us, may we hang tighter to gratitude.

Erin Fitts-Brower

Proverbs 19:21 NIV

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the LORD,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.